Identity

Identity is an interesting thing. Much of the time, we build one without any conscious effort. More precisely, we build many identities. At times, the identity we build (consciously or not) is helpful, like the identity of being a parent. This identity can act as a program for our brain that can drive behaviors, habits, world views, etc. that support us in acting like “parents”. On the other hand, it is unfortunately relatively easy to build identities that are unhelpful, even harmful. We certainly don’t have to even like these identities to build them and remain stuck with them. No one would choose to build and hold the identity of “addict”, yet repeated behaviors will build this identity nonetheless. Identity change is difficult and a full topic unto itself.

Progress Over Destination

Currently on my own mind is the conscious building of a new identity piece. Whereas unconscious identity formation is nearly effortless, conscious formation is not. Difficulties are many and varied. Sometimes it is physically difficult to undertake a repeated action. Alternatively, it may be interpersonally difficult if your new desired identity is in conflict with your family’s beliefs. However, oftentimes it is just plain difficult to allow yourself to even consider you deserve the identity you are trying to build. For me, I want to write. I have always wanted to write. Yet, I have never considered myself a writer. Can I even consider myself that? Am I allowed? I am embarrassed to even suggest it. Don’t I have to be good at writing to be writer? Do people have to like my writing?

What I do know is that to be a writer, at the very least, one must write. One must put words onto the page. Here is where it must start, for how can you ever make money, be read, be employed, be a writer if you do not, in fact, write. No one emerges, Athena-like from the head of Zeus, as a quintessential writer.

So, I will attempt to quiet the chatter in my head– the questioning, the doubting, the automatically-activated protective part that wants to save me from what is perceived as likely failure and embarrassment. The imposter syndrome. It comes from the idea that we must be already fully-formed in order to be something. It neglects to consider that we must build and progress, that there really aren’t any destinations to get to where we are finalized. We must put consistent effort in. We must sweat a little for it. The reward is that the process actually feels good, as long as we continue to work on enjoying it rather than looking for that elusive destination and moving the goal posts. What I want to get to is that sweet spot with identity formation when it becomes harder not to do the thing rather than do it because it’s now a part of you.

I will leave the identity as a lagging indicator and instead focus on the ongoing progress.