Filling Up The Space

Any sort of addiction or maladaptive behavior acts in a way to fill up space. You cannot simply quit a behavior and then leave that space empty. A vacuum must be filled, and if you have a habitual behavior or addiction that is well established, it will quickly return to fill the empty space it left behind. Instead, before even attempting to change a behavior or addiction, simply watch it. Observe it as craving arises, observe it as you give in to that craving or habitual behavior, observe how you feel after. Just watch, understand, monitor.

Then, slowly, consider a behavior or habit you want. Perhaps being healthier, stronger, to learn something new, feel more energized, not feel like garbage. Consider seeking help. Then, begin. Accept that you will suck at it at first. Continue. Consistency is your aim here. Settle into a process. You will not be perfect, but just keep restarting. If you do this, eventually you will make some progress. Then, your bad habit or addiction will cause you to backslide. Watch this. What does it feel like? What does it feel like to make progress? How about what it feels like to backslide? Then begin again. If you only need one cycle of this, great! However, you will likely suffer multiple cycles of making progress followed by self-sabotage. Continue with consistency.

If you are consistent, at some point, you will cross a threshold. You will hold on to just enough progress that your new behavior will begin to be self-sustaining. It will become harder to not complete your new behavior than to complete it. You will have positive guilt over not doing it. Yet, there is still your lingering maladaptive behavior. Are you watching it? Closely observing before, during, and after the behavior or addiction is fulfilled? Can you feel the frustration of the backslide? All that progress you made. Doesn't the backslide waste your time? Your effort? Keep the consistency up, keep the observation going, watch the progress, watch it get eaten away at. Observe, take action, fall back, observe, start again.

Finally, do something about it. Stop the undesired behavior. You have enough to fill the space with your new behavior. Fill it with progress. With effort. With consistency. The maladaptive behavior or addiction will creep back, maybe after some success of leaving it behind and progressing. Observe it again. Intently feel the loss of progress, the waste of time and effort. Eventually, there will be a cycle where you cannot take it anymore. You drop your undesired behavior, the addiction that simply is not you. You drop it and it stays away. There simply is no space for it any longer. It does not fit and it cannot find a way back in.

You have owned the space, chosen what to fill it with. It has become yours to mold. In this way, so has your life.